what have I got in my pocket?

Resolved: In the long history of Dungeons & Dragons, the Thief’s skill to pick pockets has never once come in handy.

On the Pro side (i.e., against Pick Pockets), it’s a ridiculous, pointless skill that is pretty much a nod to the idea that if you call a class a Thief, its members should be thieves.  In all my days of playing this game, I’ve never seen a player ever use this skill–much less a situation where its use would have made a critical contribution to play.  It’s dead wood.

On the Con side . . . I got nothin’.  I mean, maybe in a heavily urban game this skill could see some use but I think urban adventuring has never been implemented very well in D&D and is a pretty uncommon play style.

Any arguments in favor of Pick Pockets?

why’d it have to be snakes?

Best. Cleric. Evar.

What’s up with the Cleric spell list in the Marsh/Cook (and Mentzer) Expert rules?  Were there a whole bunch of snake-themed dudes in the early games way back when?   Two or three years ago it was just another snake cult…

TWO
* Neutralize Poison
* Snake Charm

PLUS FOUR
* Sticks to Snakes

MULTIPLIED BY
* Growth of Animals SNAKES
* Purify Food SACRIFICIAL SNAKES
* Speak with Animal SNAKES

EQUALS

Make Snakes Awesome

• Cleric Level 3
• Range 60
• Duration Permanent
• By means of this spell a cleric can transform one snake within range into awesomeness – like shooting lasers from its eyes, or having two heads, or regenerating while eating their own tails, or shedding skin to create extra boss magical leather armor, or dripping hallucinogenic addictive venom or whatever dude.  The awesomeness may gain a reaction roll bonus from NPC’s who appreciate greatness and 1970′s Proto-Metal.

Snakes to Ladders

• Cleric Spell Level 2
• Range 30′
• Duration 2 turns
• This spell turns any snake, serpent, eel, worm, or other scaly tubular poisoned critter, like a purple worm, into a ladder with fanged hooks to grab on to walls, 10′ long per hit die.  If the snake has more hit dice than the caster, whoever climbs the ladder must save vs. poison or be pricked by the poisonous fangs.

Turn Into Crazy Snake-Man

• Cleric Spell Level 4
• Range 0
• Duration 6 turns
• This spell turns the cleric into a crazy snake-man.  The cleric cannot speak in crazy snake-man form, cannot wear clothes and has no hands, but can slither around and pass through holes too small for a Halfling to crawl through.  The cleric’s bite becomes deadly poison and he or she has Armor Class 6.  If the crazy snake-man successfully bites a victim, he or she may coil around that victim to automatically do 2d4 points of damage the next round–but this is only possible if the cleric was wearing an extra nifty little hat thingy at the time when the spell was cast (see picture, above).