Archive for June 1st, 2011

01
Jun
11

joesky, you shall rue this day (2 weeks ago)

belated newsflash!

Respected OSR blogger Joesky the Dungeon Brawler cannot be taken seriously!

Joesky is the eminence grise behind Wednesday Night Fights, in which ferocious gladiators engage in a pugilistic dialectic.  Full well knows Joesky the nihilistic credo of Cormac McCarthy’s ultimate antagonist, the archonic Judge Holden:

“Men are born for games. Nothing else. Every child knows that play is nobler than work. He knows too that the worth or merit of a game is not inherent in the game itself but rather in the value of that which is at hazard. Games of chance require a wager to have meaning at all. Games of sport require the skill and strength of the opponents and the humiliation of defeat and the pride of victory are in themselves sufficient stake because they inhere in the worth of the principals and define them. But trial of chance or trial of worth all games aspire to the condition of war for here that which is wagered swallows up game, player, all.”

Therefore, thanks to Joesky, the penultimate battle: Tom Selleck’s mustache versus William Shatner’s weave.

yet he who flies close to the sun must not secure his feathers with wax!

Months ago Joesky pit Doom against Doom: Thulsa Doom versus Doctor Doom.

Weeks ago, Joesky realized he’d left these two fighting unattended all that time–and declared the fight for Thulsa Doom.

The outcome is scarcely less preposterous than Joesky’s sophistry: Doctor Doom can’t really be a magician (can he?!) and therefore Thulsa Doom wins, because magic beats science:

QUICK AWSNER: FUCK IT AND FUCK YOU MARVEL COMICTS.  NO WAY IS DOCTOR D. A SORCEROR – NOT ON MY WATCH, DICKHEADS.  HES JUST A JERK IN SOME ARMOR . . . DOES SCIENCE EVER BEAT MAGIC, I DONT THINK SO)

A most fallacious syllogism!  Joesky straight bugging!

Doctor Doom was always a combination of science and sorcery, going back to his first appearance.  Check out that bookshelf!

Doom's verbal metaphors are so crushingly cliche'd that he has to reinforce them with auxiliary visual metaphors

New York’s finest nerds have debated “How can you possibly beat Doctor Doom???”  The consensus of Gotham’s sages: you cannot.  Only Doctor Doom can defeat Doom.  Doctor Doom can defy causality and what we foolishly believe to be purely linear time:

thulsa doom is merely the rough draft of skeletor

‘Nuff said.

helping to pay joesky’s tuition

Here is Conan, statted for the Marvel Super Heroes RPG.

KING CONAN of Aquilonia

Conan of Cimmeria: Thief, Pirate, Raider, King

Primary Ability Rank Secondary Ability Score
Fighting Amazing Health 130
Agility Remarkable
Strength Excellent Karma 66
Endurance Remarkable
Reason Typical Resources 40 per week
Intuition Remarkable
Psyche Remarkable Popularity 30

POWERS

None

GEAR

  • Broadsword. Inflicts 10 points of Hack and Slash damage.
  • Maille. Absorbs 4 points of physical damage.

TALENTS

  • Woodcraft
  • Edged Weapons
  • Thievery
  • Sailing
  • Military
  • Leadership

let’s class this up with some more mccarthy to close

Towering over them all is the judge and he is naked and bowing, his small feet lively and quick and now in doubletime and bowing to the ladies, huge and pale and hairless, like an enormous infant. He never sleeps, he says. He says he’ll never die.




Past Adventures of the Mule

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