“F1: Bag of the Feeble Condemned Old Man” Kills Orc and Pie, Takes its Stuff

Perhaps you had to have been there, but for those who were this was uniformly hilarious. In our last White Sandbox session, Greengoat’s character Lotur, aka the Sniveling Cur, aka the Slayer of the Patriarch, got himself into an unusual predicament. From Oban’s recap:

This way to Fight Bag, courtesy of Maldoor

Lotur, meanwhile had descended to the next chamber, and found a chest containing five small sacks. He picked them up and examined them; when he placed his hand into the last, he vanished, leaving the bag lying alone on the chest. The rest of the party regrouped, and went in search of Lotur. Ookla managed to follow his tracks, and the group concluded that Lotur must be in the sack.

The tomb was systematically looted, and everyone returned through the pool to the Thracian caverns and from there to the Fortress of First Principles. Patriarch Zekon examined the bag, and [discovered that] it was made to absorb two individuals and compel them to fight to the death. The winner would emerge. He suggested a prisoner could be used as Lotur’s release and found a weak, old man in the prison who was already sentenced to death. The man was armed and sent into the bag. After only a few moments, the mouth of the bag twitched and grew, and Lotur emerged, victorious.

Old-school Dungeons and Dragons is justly famed for its mini-games, and what came to be known as Fight Bag is the greatest of them all. Now, through the design skills of the talented Sternum, you can bring all of its excitement and pathos (“But I don’t want to go in the bag,” said the querulous prisoner) into your own campaign! Simply print and enjoy the PDF at this link: Dungeon Module F1: Bag of the Feeble Condemned Old Man.

Warning: Liquids drunk while reading this module may be expelled from your nose. Failure to expel said liquids may be due to well, you had to be there.

The only flaw in this otherwise perfect module is that I deserve third billing at best, behind Merle Davenport whose adventure in the September, 1976 issue of the Dungeoneer fanzine created Fight Bag and Sternum who did all the text, maps, and layout for F1.

While I’m explaining jokes, here’s Monte Cook’s classic Orc and Pie adventure referenced in the title.

dungeon of the green goat

How to Host a Dungeon is a solitaire game by Tony Dowler in which you build a megadungeon, step by step.

Our group has had a lot of discussion of this game, until Chris–a/k/a Greengoat–put together this awesome animated version, which omits the actual mechanics of the game at work to show you the fictional end result:

Part One – from the Primordial Age to the Terror of Grak:

Part Two: Reign of Grak and a Plague of Spiders:

First of all, recognize my man Greengoat’s amazing effort and great drawings here. And I’m really impressed at how he managed to turn the ebb and flow of the game into an imaginative and creepy story as several factions duke it out to control those caverns. Grak must be one of the most terrifying ogres around–going up against him would be absolutely dreadful.

If that’s your bag, check the game out. I figure each of the “rooms” that Greengoat refers to is actually a modest dungeon level or sub-level in D&D terms.  (Dowler includes a free version of the game as a download, though the full PDF is only $5.)

From my take on How to Host a Dungeon, it’s a pretty nifty little bugger, both in concept and in execution. The layout and interior art are both absolutely wonderful. There are places where I wish the rules were better edited: certain aspects don’t exactly line up completely, but anyone accustomed to the make-it-up-as-you-go DM’ing style of OD&D is surely used to smoothing over contradictory or unclear rules. A second printing would make the game absolutely irresistible, but even with a few flaws in communication, How to Host a Dungeon is solidly entertaining purchase.

Tavis or Eric – when do we mount an expedition to the doleful Dungeon of the Green Goat?

sign of the green goat

We have business cards! Specifically, one thousand business cards.  This means I have 999 more business cards for Dungeons & Dragons than I do for my professional life.  C’est la vie!

Chris, also known as Greengoat, whipped these suckers up on the Red Box forum; here’s the small version:

And then he contacted a printer and got a thousand of the little guys printed up on really heavy stock for a bit under fifty dollars plus postage. We pooled our money together and paid him back; Greengoat foolishly turned down a chance to make a profit on this deal, which is a pity because the cards themselves are very beautiful. Here’s my stack, but we literally have hundreds more…

Now the question is, what do we do with one thousand Dungeons & Dragons Club business cards?  Other than feel superior to those of you who don’t have cards of your own, that is…